Despite my law enforcement success

10 min readNov 28, 2020

Craphite, colored pencils, and oil paints are some of the mediums Fenerov uses to craft his exquisite portraits, figures, and animal drawings. His work has an old-world, classical feel. Some of his drawings remind me of elaborate illustrations found in old books.

Speaking of old books, Fenerov often draws his illustrations directly into classic books. Some of these he sells, as well as quality prints, via his website.

Screenshot of John Fenerov’s website, with examples of his book illustrations

I discovered Fenerov while mindlessly scrolling on Instagram. As much as I loathe social media for its superficiality and time-wasting rabbit holes, occasionally I come across inspirational work. Such was the case when I landed on Fenerov’s page.

According to an article Fenerov wrote for theautumnsalon.com, he studied in art schools, but “none of them have given me true artistic spirituality, which is something I’ve had to develop on my own.”

What’s fascinating is that Fenerov’s love of literature guides his artistic development. In his article, Fenerov explains:

“And so I turned to books — of course someone else could approach this process differently — but I grew up with the works of classic literature through the influence of my grandfather, and in my paintings I explore the feelings and moods they inspire within me.”

Fenerov adds:

“I find being an avid reader of literature allows me to have a steady stream of new ideas and inspirations, which can serve as a good resource to help relieve the dilemma of artist’s or writer’s block.”

Imagination is the beginning of creation

Combining different passions can be a powerful way to deepen one’s craft. Fenerov uses his love of literature and books to fuel his artistic imagination. Similarly, I use my love of somber, cinematic music to fuel my creative process of writing, and making art.

“Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine, and at last, you create what you will.” — George Bernard Shaw

Almost any piece of music by Max Richter sets a contemplative tone for me, evoking strong emotions that fuel my creative work. The music and artwork together create a synergy of creativity, often leading to my best work.

Listen to the music video below by Max Richter, and you’ll see why his poignant music feeds my creative spirit.

There is an important caveat. The fruit of creative synergy can take time. For example, I’m currently studying figure drawing. Music may inspire me, but until my rendering skills improve, the synergy can only take me so far.

Figure sketches by John P. Weiss

Oil sketch

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and my figure drawing will only improve from daily practice. It can be frustrating because I’m used to a higher level of ability with cartooning and landscape painting. But I’ve found that my cartooning skills inform my figure drawing and vice versa. They create a kind of synergy.

Learn how to be patient with yourself

In this day and age of instant gratification, we want to master new skills quickly. But that’s not how it works. Quality and mastery take time.

Consider John Fenerov’s wisdom below, from his article:

“Learn how to be patient with yourself while developing your technical and creative abilities, and not worrying too much about having to compete with others. This process takes time, as it did for me. However time is on your side, as it’s never too late to try something new, or return to that which you have previously abandoned.”

Most of us become frustrated in learning a new skill or mastering a passion. We forget that such things take time and effort. Resist the temptation to quit. Set up a regular schedule and practice your skills daily.

Even in the learning stage, combining passions can help move you along. Max Richter’s calming music helps relax me when practicing figure drawing. And my years of cartooning experience help as I struggle with the nuances of figure drawing.

The whole is greater

Sometimes the synergistic power of two unrelated passions can feel invisible to us, but still, yield benefits.

“The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.”
― Aristotle

Consider the passionate poet who also loves nature hiking. She may not realize it, but her hikes in the woods clear her mind, leading to new poetic insights.

“Dickens strolled tens of miles daily across London while working on his novels, and couldn’t work if he didn’t walk.” -John Fenerov

Or the rapper who is also passionate about basketball. The rhythm of play with others during a game allows the rapper to mentally escape, and the cadence of the game may lead to new approaches in his music.

Or the painter who also loves to cook. When she’s in the kitchen she delights in the interplay of complementary ingredients. Warm spices set against cool vegetables, which leads to new insights in her paintings about complementary colors of warm and cool.

This contradicted what we’d been told (repeatedly) since September. Namely, that her high school would remain completely virtual for the entirety of the 2020–2021 school year.

I’d tried to process the information without panicking and, after reading the email several times, found a link at the very bottom that read, simply, “Remote Instruction Continuation.” Aside from this link, the email didn’t mention the option of continuing remote instruction, nor did her school’s principal in his weekly video address.

But the link was there and so I clicked on it. It lead to a form that parents could fill out if they didn’t want their child to return to in-person learning. The district obviously wanted parents to consider this option as a last resort. A sentence above the form read:

“Families that meet the criteria to keep their child out of school because they are considered to be in a high-risk category and more susceptible to contracting Coronavirus will be eligible, upon request, to remain on full remote instruction.”

I thought about what it would mean if my 16-year-old daughter got COVID-19. She would probably be okay, but maybe not. I imagined her coming home sick, trying to stay isolated, and ultimately passing the virus to me or my husband (or, more likely, both of us).

Based on our age and weight and blood pressure, we’re both in the high-risk category. We’re likely to get extremely sick. Though…maybe not.

Then I thought about something my daughter had said back in March, when New York was hit so hard that her school shut down in the middle of the month and didn’t reopen again.

I can’t lose anybody else.

I filled out the form.

We lost my older daughter, Ana, three years and six months ago. She died from a rare form of pediatric cancer called Inflammatory Myofibroblastic Tumor.

Emily was 12 when her sister died. She was 15 and in 10th grade when COVID-19 shut everything down, driving a wedge between her and the budding friendships she was developing, the progress she was making towards individuality, and the independence that she was beginning to explore.

Cancer had forced Ana to give up much of her hard-won independence just as she was entering adolescence. Now, COVID-19 has done the same thing with Emily who turned 16 in April. She can’t drive yet, can’t see her friends, and is always home — taking virtual classes, attending virtual therapy, immersing herself in virtual entertainment…

WRITTEN BY

NHF13

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Three things happened recently that eroded some of the joy in my life.

This past spring, I finally called the town to see if there was anything they could do. Two of the trees were precariously balanced near the road. I could scarcely afford to have them both removed, but luckily I didn’t have to come up with the money. The town came by a couple of weeks after I called and took the trees down for me, much to my unending relief.

A third dead ash tree that was further back on our property, right beside the driveway, also needed to be removed